Friday, 15 February 2013

Random acts of kissing, and finding a partner in crime.

Riding home on Valentines Day, I was contemplating matters of the heart and dreaming of a kiss.

Did you know that this is random acts of kindness week?

By now you've probably heard that random acts of kindness generate a ripple effect, and you know kindness increases the serotonin (happiness) in your brain.  Dr McQuaid says happiness is being kind, that "serotonin levels are increased in both the giver and receiver of an act of kindness. In addition, anyone who witnesses an act of kindness also has an increase in serotonin levels. Kindness is a natural anti-depressant for the giver, receiver, and witness of human compassion."

It's true, too.  Have you ever tried it?  When you're down, the easiest way to feel good is to make someone else feel good. It's contagious, the pandemic with the power to save us.

(in smooth radio-announcer voice)
Last babblelog, on The Kissing Season bikesgonewild shared a perfect kiss:

His kiss was "secretly enhanced" by what he saw, and when you read the story you get some of that secret sauce, too.  You have to admit that's pretty cool. This time of year, it's reassuring to know that random acts of kissing will uplift the world around you.

But what do you do if you don't have someone to kiss? In China, you can hire a fake boyfriend to bring home to mum and dad. There are times when it's important to be single, independent.  Maybe you need to focus your full passion on an endeavour close to your heart, or maybe your heart needs healing, but certainly there are times when it's better to be alone than attached. For the most part, however, humans are social creatures who are happier attached than alone.

If you find yourself alone and wishing you had a kissing friend, well then it's time to go fishing.  When I was looking for the man, my favourite was Plenty of Fish, but there are all kinds of dating sites out there.  There are a LOT of people out there looking for love, too...  I did a general search for women in the Vancouver area 25-50 years of age, and found page after page after page of results on PoF

 Serious results.  Why, just look at Kuteepie, hiding somewhere near the bottom of the 23rd page!


Plenty of Fish is sooo much fun. My profile was terminally earnest, all sunshine and lollipops:
I even listed all of my favourite bloody things, 
like a singing and dancing Maria Von Poppins for the new millennium.

 I used restraint and refrained from all the obvious cheese cake photos:

Dunno what I was thinking. It was a clear misrepresentation of WHO I AM, but whatev's. It worked.

It's dead simple to post a profile, and PoF is free, though you know Google and Marcus will market to you. Despite my death-by-vanilla profile, I managed to meet great guys, plenty of them.
On-line dating is easy, and it's fun.  Just be yourself.  Let the fish out there know: "This is who I am this is what I like and this is what I'm looking for." Add a selection of your best photographs, and presto, you're ready. Dive into that chocka blocka webtastic fishbowl.

Your best chance of success?  We're visual creatures.

A good picture will get you more clicks than anything else..  Don't have a good picture?  Take one, or better yet, get a friend to take some and then use the best of the best.  Edit all the rest!  One Meh photo will do more harm than six great  ones do good. And while you're editing, make sure you edit your words carefully, too.  Poison-filled rants rarely make a good first impression.  This is an opportunity to connect with all kinds of different people. Talk about what you're passionate about, what you love most, what you dream of doing.  Write about the person you are looking for. Make a wish!

Then post it and be open minded. Just like in the real world, you will find your share of fruit-cakes thrown into the mix, but the nice thing about internet dating-particularly as a woman - is that you get to screen people with anonymity and relative security before you meet.  Or not.  It's really up to you in the end, just like in the real world.

When I tell people about Plenty of Fish, and how much fun I had using it, how many cool friends I made,

 and how I met the man, people inevitably say "Oh, my friend tried it last year. She said that there are just so many creeps and liars on there," and maybe for her it was true. That's sad for her, but I know from experience that there are a lot of good people out there, too.

Do you have trouble discerning who's who? I find words help a lot.  Writing and speaking words are wonderful ways to suss out whether or not the person you're talking to is straight up, slightly bent, or completely loopy. It's pretty simple to weed out most of the weird-o's.

One of the things which makes on-line dating so appealing is the sheer numbers of people. Plus it's like home shopping. If it doesn't work out with one fish, you can just return it, comforted by the thought that there are always plenty more where that one came from.

I talked to hundreds of men before I found someone I felt like kissing, though. I had a perfect first kiss on the best first date EVER in the history of dating.  It so happened that I happened upon a profile which both claimed to like fishing, and also claimed to be absolute shite at it.  That didn't fool me, though. I've spent time in Haida Gwaii, and when I was there, I learned the fisherman's motto:  "I fish, therefore I lie."  I set the man on PoF straight, and told him he really should get with the program and forget about the truth.

Well that was it. Two days later I was inundated with a torrent of words which he had found time to write while he was hanging around airports, moving from Australia to North Africa,  where he was just hired as the  Managing Director of a satellite news service.  The thing I remember most vividly from his first message was "How can you call yourself a writer and then leave a lousy two line message?"

I might have run then, but as mum is fond of saying, I am not the sharpest tack in the box. And besides, the heart wants what the heart wants. After three years on my own, not even remotely interested in any of the fish, all of a sudden I fall for a man living on the opposite side of the planet in a country I would never choose for my son.

Go figure.

After an intense three month courtship, during which we exchanged enormous volumes of mail and spoke to one another on Skype at least once a day, he invited me to join him in Manhattan under a blue moon eclipse on New Year's Eve.

When our lips met, our passion was fuelled by of months of yearning, of longing and of anticipation, and I nearly passed out from pleasure.  I've never known a more poignant kiss, and I've never had a more exciting first date, and yet as wonderful as it was,  it pales in comparison with my happiness today.

First I found the best first date on Plenty of Fish, and the best first kiss.  Then I found love, and now I know joy.  I'm pretty sure the man was kissed by Cupid, because he has a perfect heart-shaped birthmark on his face, and a tender lover's heart.

And I have a secret.  The rest of you peeps only get to celebrate Valentines day once a year, so for you it's already over.  For me?  Every day is Valentines Day, and I try to practice random acts of kissing to spread the joy.  If you have a partner, please be kind. Help me save the world, one kiss at a time...

if you're on your own, maybe it's time to do a little fishing...  


  1. Nice post babble!

    Now I have to share my pof story. I enjoy reading the profiles. I found one that was clever, witty and made me laugh so I sent a message and told her so. A little later she replied and said maybe we should meet up. A couple days later we met at a cafe and had a great time. For our second date we're going winter hiking this weekend.

    There are lots of skeptics about the online dating thing but I'm not one of them.

    big smiley face,

    1. Thank you!

      Good for you. I'm happy you're getting out there and meeting people.

      There are a lot skeptics, it's true, but there are a lot of hot people online, too. Who has time for skepticism when you're busy getting laid??

  2. .................daaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmnn......Peter Swellinger

  3. Lovely stuff, Babble. Made my day

  4. Thanks, Babble.
    Met my sweetie in high school, been together since...
    Well, a long time. I got lucky the first time and I still consider myself the lucky one.
    Happy that you're happy.

    1. Perfect! So you're out there saving the world with me, then?

  5. ...i'll keep it simple...

    ...i'm glad you found something worthwhile in my words...i can't really ask for more...