Hello from Vancouver!
|Stupid o'clock in Stanley Park this week.|
Ok, so there are a few things on the agenda today. First of all, to the lovely reader who ever so kindly upgraded my Strava account to premium... Wow. Thank you!! That was very kind of you. :D xo
And to that other very thoughtful person, the one in Nevada who went out and purchased a tongue scraper, wrapped it in paper and put it in a box, and then wrapped the box and shipped it off to Vancouver? Thank you kindly, too. Just one thing, though... er... what's up with the box?
Now, I can't speak to the situation in Nevada these days, precisely. I do know that when my dear old Aunt lived in Fredricksburg, VA in 2010, she couldn't get a high speed internet connection for love nor money. She lived in what is arguably the most densely populated seaboard on the planet and yet she was told her town was too "rural" to qualify for high speed access. Unbelievable. At the time I figured it was part of the US government's program to dumb down the population, but then I've become a little cynical in my middle years. Anyhoo. I would have thought that padded envelopes, which do in fact fit inside your average mailbox, were ubiquitous in this day and age.You'd think that a place so renowned for being an entertainment mecca would have those little bubblewrap envelopes you'll find in any kinkos anywhere. Still, it's entirely possible that the padded envelope skipped Nevada the very same way that high speed broadband skipped Virginia. You know. The way I missed the tongue-scrapers next to the toothbrushes..
Anything is possible.
Right?! Anything. If you can imagine it...
I love it. What a concept, a bespoke little tool like that. Thank you, Nevada friend. :) Plus, if it weren't for the trip to the post office to pick up that parcel of tongue scraper, I might never have remembered to take the photo of the remnants of the original Georgia St viaduct. So that's a good thing. I had fun with that post, when all was said and done. Oh! Also, I was right about the scraping/drinking water first thing in the morning. Ha! So you're doing it, right? Do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it!! <3 :D
It really helps, in the same way a ride at dawn sets you up for the day.
Ok, so there's something we really have to talk about.
Er. Dooders. I'm shocked. Seriously. I can't believe it. My very small brain often needs to be spoon fed, but you were meant to connect the dots. I am all about feedback, though, and the evidence is abundantly clear. You haven't figured it out yet. It's crazy. After all, we're CYCLISTS. Right? I can't believe something of this magnitude eludes you, and yet evidently it's true.
I was duty bound to give you the kiss list first because it really is a sound foundation for a healthy body, heart, and mind. You remember it, right? The KISS list is the short-hand mantra for a long-haul lifestyle:
move bounce breathe purify love-a-lot laugh and sleep.
You already know I am peddling my ass. In the quest for quantum healing of my sick n twistedness, I've learned the art of making a perfect ass of myself. It's not all about ass, either. My legs are ripped, too...
Sometimes I want to wear Superman tights and save the world. I am definitely trying to make it a better place by spreading health, happiness and wellness. And perfect ass-ness. I want to help you express your best self, to Be the change you want to see in this world.
AND THAT'S THE THING!!
I GAVE YOU THE DOPE. Ok, sure it was sort of on the down-low, but I slipped you the old magic handshake! I gave you the modern world's solution to everything AND YOU DIDN'T TAKE IT! What kind of cyclists ARE you, anyway? Hmmmmmm?
Listen. The KISS list is all well and fine, and you already know you're going to hear all about it ad nauseum, but let's be honest. Let's cut to the chase and talk about the pink elephant in the middle of the velodrome, mmmkay? Cycing is all about cheating. Seriously. If you think about it, you'll have to admit that "taking the easy way out" is the very essence of the sport. What, you don't believe me? Do you suffer from some delusion of noble intent? Ok, then tell me. If not for cheating, how else is it possible to go SO fast with SO little effort expended? Hmmm?! You see? I rest my case.
It's the nature of the beast.
Bikes are the best form of go-fast cheating.
Cycling is a no-brainer and dope is for dope. It's a perfect fit. The mere scent of the fount-of-vitality in a bottle should have all of you clever Freds queuing up to try it out. It's a go-fast supplement. Forget Red Bull...
Protandim is perfect. It's naturopathic. It's potent. Five plant extracts work together to stimulate your body's own production of powerful anti-oxidants in the form of Nrf2, something everyone has in abundance as children and youth, but less so as they age. Oxidative stress is the foundation of ageing and disease, and I am offering you a lovely little tablet to help you combat exactly that. Protandim reduces oxidative stress in the body by 40% in three weeks.
Would you ignore the elixer of youth itself?
Are you a fred's fred, a card carrying member of dorkdom?
Hooray! Me, too! :D
Don't worry. Protandim is WADA approved, and safe for people of all sporting stripes.
Try it. Click here and give it a go. Within a month or two, people will be asking you what you're doing differently...
And I want to know, too. How is your body changing?
Please share your stories with me, ok?