Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Smiling astraddle the saddle: may the breast man win.

It's January in Vancouver. 
 It's cold and dark and sometimes foggy on the way to work in the morning.  
This is a temperate rainforest, so this time of year most mornings see rain.

At this very moment it's chucking buckets out there, as it was on the ride home from work today.
It was wonderful. 
I felt like a kid splashing through the puddles.
  I watched how many people were huddled under umbrellas and hiding in buildings and under awnings, 
 all fogged in and musty and contained like cattle in their cars and trains and buses and I feel sorry for them all.


THAT's what lovely Snobbers calls

People ask how I manage to get to work on a bike looking the way I do.
Dressed for work-ish, that is.

I am not doing anything special.
It's all in the bike.  

The fenders, the mud flaps, the fully enclosed chain guard, the step-through frame.  
It's quite comfortable, too, being upright like that. 
The pedals are set slightly forward, 
which allows you to remain seated with your feet flat on the ground at stop signs and street lights.  
A lower centre of gravity means you're more stable, too, 
which is nice when it's frosty and slick.

Once you've got the bike, you just dress for the weather.  
I like to wear skirt suits and dresses 
with stockings or tights 
especially when its wet, 
because they dry quickly and easily. 
And boots, of course, sometimes with various layers of leg-warmers,
fuzzy and otherwise.
Sometimes all it takes is the waterproof boots,
so I can play in the rain. 

Today someone called me brave 
for riding in the downpour. 
Bless his kind heart. 
He doesn't understand, poor thing.
 I just shook my head, and said
"It's the best way to live."

As I was leaving work I discovered a flat tire of uncommon complication.  
The man says it's not the worst sort of flat, but I say it is. 
 Most tires are simple to change, but Bea bike's back end, 
bless her, 
is a bitch

It's an ordeal.
It takes a good long time, 
(about three beers and a dozen curses) 
even if you're really good at fixing bikes.
Which I am not.

I can change a normal tire, 
as long as there isn't any great time pressure, 
but there's no way I could ever change this beast.

When I called and broke the news to the man, 
I thought he might be deflated
but instead he took it with his usual aplomb.

Which is one of the reasons he's the man.

And the reason I was speaking to him on the phone instead of face to face
 is that he, too, discovered a flat tire at the end of his day,
 and was delayed changing it.
Coincidence?  He thinks so.
I think not.
(We ride the same route of a morning.)

As we disconnected,
 a lovely, well-appointed woman stopped in her tracks in the pouring rain to say
"Hey! I saw you riding your bike in the summer in your platform heels - that's so hot!  You make me want to get on a bike again."  

That's the reason I rode home with a song in my heart and a big grin on my face.  Whoever you are out there, lovely lady, I thank you. You made my day. And as I said to you, OH please do!
I love making girlfriends on the bike path to world peace.

There are more and more women on their bikes all the time now. 
This is a good sign, since apparently, women are more risk-averse than men, 
though I didn't get that memo. 
Momentum Mag named Vancouver fifth in it's list of cities it claims are Changing Gears
and bike friendly.

It is pretty sweet these days.

And hey, at least here in Vancouver, we're not forced to ride side saddle.

In a misguided attempt to "save people's morals and behaviours," an Indonesian city in the Aceh province is banning women from straddling motorbikes.  
Because they might like it.
Sharia Forbid.
See their hands?  Women are also not allowed to hold on to the driver,   
which makes it easy to dump your girlfriend.
Handy, that, in a world where women are disposable.

I wouldn't like to live under Sharia Law.
Poor Pammy Anderson would struggle with it, too. 
She was the first star voted off Dancing on Ice, all because of a wardrobe malfunction.  
It wasn't her fault.

This is certainly not a case of may the breast man win.
They were the best pair in the competition.

Well, like Pam, my tire's no longer flat, 
and like my bike I'm all pumped up
and ready for the morning's commute
across the bridge.
Rain or shine.
Prolly rain.


  1. We're all breast men,...just saying.
    (Xlnt blogging!)

  2. ...oh, come on - breasts are nice but i'm really a leg & ass man...

    1. I like it all. I don't understand why naked bodies and the act of making love are taboo images in our culture yet violence is like visa. Accepted everywhere.

      Who owns Visa, anyway?

    2. ...dunno...i use 'mastercard' but in a effort to balance things out, i asked my bank if there was a 'mistresscard' i could apply for...

      ...turns out there is but it's only for buying 'select' items & services... !!!...

      ...but your point is exceedingly well taken as regards just which imagery should take emphatic's literally amazing in a society seemingly horrified by violence, that we continue to promote it like it's something we need to have forced on us daily...

      ...senseless...absolutely fucking senseless...

  3. I raise my hand to the offer of heels. Loaned that is. Fine blog. Vancouver, sounds, well, challenging in the winter. I, apparently, as a total pussy, have never tried riding in the rain. I bitch when my toes are cold and dry at 50 degrees. I will try to be better now. See? You are already making someone better.

    And I live in the 4th worst city in America for bike friendliness. Vancouver sounds heavenly in that aspect.

    1. Thank you, Mr Raney.

      If you're in SoCal you can still ride nearly every day even if you're allergic to rain, right? So it's all good. Are you in LA? I keep hearing about people on bikes dying out there and about politicians who refuse to acknowledge the need to change transportation policies to reflect a respect for life and limb.

      Just like in Dallas. It's about the almighty car, because that's where the energy industry's interests lie.

    2. I fear I would choke and fall over in LA before the car ran over me. The coroner would be confused by all the tire tracks and conflicting evidence. Might even be a bullet wound there.

      I live north of LR Arkansas (50th state in bike friendliness) in a smaller town that may be slightly safer.

      If you want to read something cycle-depressing read the comments on this article. The lovely lady in question had been riding for over 20 years.

      Oh and badass bike by the way. Even if it weighs more than a sack of cantaloupe and a couple of fresh salmon. Did you hand knit those leggings?

    3. Nope, it wasn't me.

      People are passionate about the roads everywhere, but it's sad that Little Rock is so far behind the times.

  4. In my experience rain only sucks till you are wet and after that it is just another great bike ride.

    1. I wear a hood over my helmet so my neck and head are dry, My torso, most of my thighs, my feet and my calves are dry, too, and if it's cold I have leg warmers on which get wet but I take them off as soon as I get there and climb onto lovely heels and I'm good to go. No fuss, no muss, and I literally feel HAPPY the moment I've walked through the door.

  5. Hey Babbs, nice set-up on the bike! I'm curious, how far is your commute? What kind of bike? And for Lob's sake, how heavy is that thing?!?

    1. Thanks, Doll! It's an Electra Amsterdam Royale, and I'm pretty sure it's made of lead, cause it weighs a ton. I'm guessing about 35 lbs. Eight speeds though, so I make it up the hills alright, and then momentum means I kick some serious ass on the way down again. And it should be called the Amsterjag because it needs a lot of tender loving care.

      I ride the small boy to daycare before turning back and heading for work downtown, and the whole thing takes just over half an hour. Perfect, because I get the hour of exercise I crave every day, and then all I need is a bit of yoga to keep me fit. (Well, that, and some seriously gooooood lovin' and I'm happy.)

  6. Could you please put some pictures on here sometime that don't make me want to pull my cock out and start stroking it under my desk?

  7. Well, I was looking at your profile page and under the picture it said "View Full Size." I clicked, but you were still only about 3 inches tall. How could that be?

    1. It's silly, isn't it? We'll have to take it up with Blogspot, cause they all do that.

  8. You have beautiful, oh such beautiful legs... Are you human?

    1. Thank you.

      I'm not sure... does a mutant count as human?