Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Go Deep or Go Home

 One of my all-time most favourite things in the whole world is long and hard, goes very deep, and is full of seamen.  You'll forgive me if I also have a soft spot for submarines.

"Honest, devoted, hard-working with a great sense of humour... and what do you look for in a man, Sylvie?"
That one is near Pearl Harbour, but Canada has submarines, too.... ish.

So, in 1998, we paid $750 million dollars for four used, Victoria-class submarines which the Royal Navy decommissioned in 1993. Sounds like a great deal, doesn't it? And in the thirteen years we've owned them, the Canadian Navy has spent billions trying to make them seaworthy. The UK MP for Portsmouth South, Mike Hancock, says we got shafted, and suggests we ask for a refund.

The HMS Victoria was docked at Canada Place last weekend.

Isn't that a pleasant surprise?  I had no idea they actually worked. 

They all have serious issues. All sorts of things, including rust, which is never good under pressure.  And although only one has had to have the torpedo doors welded shut because of leaking, none of them can actually fire a Canadian torpedo. 

Fancy that. It begs the question: Who authorised such a bone-headed buy?  
It's a good thing we don't need to fire torpedos, 
but it's pretty hard-on taxpayers,
never the less.

Maybe I can interest the bone-head in charge in a slightly less expensive sub-marine vessel which is equally capable of firing Canadian torpedoes,
and equally useful in the face of our rapidly accumulating foes. 

That's the thrust of it.
$750 million is a bit much for four lemons, don't you think? We're talking serious inflation here,
seriously bone-headed and very bad.
Here's some seriously cool inflation for you:

Infinite Tires by Douglas Coupland.
Looks like the infinite tower of babble to me!
Long and hard and...
er... never mind.

Oh!  Did I tell you about the Masturbation cycle?  

Jeju Loveland
Yes, those are feathers for your fanny, and this is just one of the attractions at Loveland, where you, too, can climb a 33 foot penis.

Mmm... long and hard and.... er.  

Sigh... bit distracted these days.
In case it had escaped your notice, the stock market sucks these days, or at least it sure does in the world I've been working in.  Long and short of it is that I got laid off last week and now find myself re-evaluating things.  For example, is it possible to have a fun job where you get paid well to do what you love to do?  Yes?
Good, cause that's what I'm looking for,
that and happiness.

I've heard that you'll only find happiness when you go within,
deep within.

That can be arranged.
Where DID the man get to?


  1. I think this may be my favorite yet...deep subject, indeed!

  2. Podium!

    Fun read, Babble.
    Amazing what governments spend our money on.

  3. ...hmmm...looks capable of submersing & deeply probing mariana's trench...hardly have to cum up for air...

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Hard-on hitting editorial Babble, well done! And I see the man's bike under the tower of tires, looks good, probably a nice change of pace, Also, I have that same helme(n)t I think, I look like an alien in it, but I like that. Good luck in your new job search, the perfect job for you exists!

    1. Thank you, beautiful!

      Is your helmet chipping on the edges, too, or is mine just doing that from all the hard service saving my bean? I had to chuckle when I saw it next to the storm trooper on 4:20.

  6. africansingle2 May 2013 at 05:37

    $750 million and it can't even fire a "Canadian Torpedo" (as you so eloquently put it) I think our esteemed Jacob Zuma had something to do with that.
    And congratulations on the new page in your life. May I suggest you consider writing? You're damn good at it.

    1. Oh bless you. Thank you! Yes, I can't help but write, it's just what I do. The trick is in figuring out how to make a proper living at it. :)